The agenda of the shadow, why fear is important

When making a decision you will likely be faced with several opinions inside your own mind, before even getting the chance to consult others. Sometimes our thoughts present in a harmonious agreement and other times they arrive more conflicted. The thoughts we have about our own behaviour and actions are referred to as belief systems which are encoded from our experiences. Approaching new situations or events resembling previous challenges can often induce anxiety and fear. Your fears are imperative for your survival and there’s a very good reason they’re so hard to disarm. Our fears can be inconvenient at best, but keen to keep us safe they take no notice of our disliking. In some circumstances however our fears can be crushing, debilitating and simply ruthless.

The nervous system is a tremendous reflection of our evolution as a species. Being something I admit to marvelling over and occupying a substantial amount of my conversations. Like your toddler it simply doesn’t take “because I said so” for an answer. You have to speak its language if you want to work with it. You have to address the concerns it reveals to you and take steps to debunk them, or reassure yourself they aren’t fixed and permanent. It’s nothing short of a disservice to your self to demonise your fears, sadness and anger. When we learn that they are in fact trying their best to keep you alive they become less evil and constricting and more, well, “awh bless man, what are they doing”.

When approaching an interview it’s normal to doubt and question your competence and suitability for the role. Anxiety in an interview can impair our ability to express ourselves and can dampen our performance. So we really want to be working with our anxiety before engaging in events and tasks we know are going to be difficult. Preparation for an interview should really consist of taking measures to boost our self esteem and confidence. Are you really good at a sport, or creative, or are you an excellent cook. The morning or day before can you schedule some time to do something you know you are exceptional at. Undoubtedly confident in, something you enjoy and that comes second nature. It doesn’t have to be hard, just something to prompt reflection on your competency.

Before the interview can you take 30 minutes out to sit and journal about the challenges you have overcome? Times you have shown courage, discipline and resilience? Or picked up new skills, retained knowledge, or performed well. The internal conversation of your worth is going to come about regardless of whether you prepare or not. You might as well bring up the subject by doing something that highlights your competence before your mind gets the chance to tell you that your not good enough. Thoughts cascade, they explode, expand and we can leap from one worry to a million in what feels like seconds. So be careful what you feed your fears.

In the face of an event we can host several different opinions at once, and learning to challenge fear without attacking it seems like a pretty good place to start. You can’t and shouldn’t aim to disable the thoughts and emotions elicited within our nervous system. Instead efforts are best place programming your mind to consider yourself gracefully, with compassion and faith. Reinforce these beliefs through actions, something you’re good at. Reinforce it again by reflecting on what you did well, optimism and faith are things we train ourselves to exercise. Redirecting your fears by steering your attention towards your potential, something you’re excited for. Reconsidering what failures mean for you, as a space to grow. As a pose to suppressing fears or letting them dictate our moves.

Ultimately the “shadow” as much of a menace as it can be often stems from a rather endearing desire to do and be better. Which I think is rather lovely and considerate of us. It’s not always delivered kindly or efficiently, but with compassion and kindness that can change.

Love,

Amy.