Self appreciation, a remedy for tired souls.

There are two types of people in this world, (for the sake of this specific argument). The anxious and the avoidant, with anxiety and apathy smothering us, at some point, and usually at inconvenient times.

Anxiety - the type that stems from a lack of fulfilment, the type that makes you think what am I doing? What is the point? Majestically tamed by taking a pinch of responsibility, first for yourself and your home space. Extended to family and close friends, maybe then to the community or to your place of work. As you reach further lending a hand to strangers alike… ouch, cramp. A twinge ruptures shuddering down your spine a sour twang pings down your arm. You’ve overextended yourself. Suddenly satisfaction and confidence decays leaving a memorial site for the once noble and humble self. You nervously sit and grieve, it was foolish to believe it was “responsible” to take on that much in the first place. I should be more realistic, progress is better than promises, right?

The anxious read harmoniously agreeing, that sounds about right they chuckle, so if self fulfilment is what I was missing, and that comes from taking on responsibility. What do I do when my anxiety comes from my responsibilities, gosh this is relentless have you conned me, am I going to be persistently anxious? “You’re a con”, they declare. Overextension, sometimes we don’t see it happening, until it’s 6am on Thursday morning and suddenly the Pilates class you booked last week sounds more like a sentence than a soothing treat. Sometimes however we see it clear as day, but every “yes” flys out of our mouth without our consent and we await the inevitable crash. “Get well soon”, they plead in an inescapably obvious tone of desperation not sympathy.

Strip back to the basics, your hot, sweltering actually, you fell asleep with the heated blanket on and you haven’t washed your face. Turning it of, opening a window and grabbing for the water bottle. You strip, and sigh, you ignore the makeup but gosh you need a wee. Fine, I’ll take it off. You head to the bathroom, the lights beam down “have they always been this bright”. A shiny forehead and eyebrows now pointing towards the smeared mascara. You wash it off, phew that’s better. Is that all it took to look, well, so unfortunate and unfamiliar. Then again all it took was some water to restore your face. Are we always one step away from disaster? Am I really who they think I am? Who do they think I am? Who are they?

Cryptic, (but poetic) forgive me and allow me to explain. We apply immense pressure on ourselves to exceed or at least remain within the expectations of others. After all social appraisal is a wonderful tune to hear sang. The sobering reality that you’re 3 degrees away from a completely different face and expression can be terrifying. Somehow, having tried nothing but your best the anxious person now convinces themselves they were naive to take on so much. Your overextension somehow made it seem as though the tasks you took onboard out of suggested necessity and vital importance. Now seem unconsidered and you wonder am I a good person or just an idiot?

If you sighed in reluctant understanding of overcommitting and over extending yourself non consensually. Here is my unsolicited advice, well actually your on my blog so really I suppose you did ask. Anyways, In the presence of danger, which manages to intertwine itself into everything we do. It’s normal to take the approach of “this is really critical and Important I need to do my best here, they need me”. Correct, but what your family, friends and community need is for you to be fighting fit. Should danger come knocking and it will, the world needs you to be prepared. Prepared to lend a hand, provide shelter, make resources, spread awareness, tend to the wounds and insight hope. Pick something, a contribution, because a donation of 50p to a well intended cause is better than signing 50 checks to brands you can’t explain. That ultimately are going to land you in an overdraft, that you can’t escape, never to make a donation again.

Tend to your garden, what can I give? Are you warm, do you make people feel safe, are you a good listener. Are you practical lending a touch of reality to lost wandering young minds. Are you imaginative, can you open doors to realms that bring new ideas and tricks to the once mundane? Whatever it is, your efforts are best placed here, beginning with you. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your partner, family and friends or colleagues is take a step back, strip off and sit with yourself. What am I here for? A question buzzing in the background as we discuss this topic, your impatiently awaiting some sort of resolution.

The answer will present itself to you in time, you’ll realise in an emergency, wow I handled that well. You’ll recognise on holiday, I’m not dull, I was just overstimulation, I actually can produce thoughts! Sometimes it is necessary to just put your head down and do your best. But often it’s best to look up scope the situation and nominate yourself in a position (job role or family favour). That gives way for you to shine, and provide, doing what you do best. You’ll find yourself in places that don’t suit you, with people you don’t like and involved in conversations you disagree with. That’s life, but the joy of,it is, you can always step back, strip off and return home. Who am I again? Why did I come here?

Your intentions were pure and your “naivety” is forgiven, now for goodness sake, give yourself a damn round of applause. Pay yourself some respect, and appreciation, your doing a marvellous job, even if it goes unnoticed or undiscussed.

Love,

Amy