A beginners guide to social proficiency

Social proficiency - An individual who can competently deliver themselves and communicate effectively, funded by their embodied confidence.

Social proficiency manifests in our posture, expression and articulation, paving the way for us to demonstrate our understanding, ideas and feelings. Articulating our words, pacing our speech and considering the language we use aids us in far more than collection of superficial social appraisals. This is not about appearing “old money” or intellectual or interesting. Rather building fruitful relationships and being able to resolve conflict. Facilitation of effective communication begins with our internal state. Regardless of how we choose to accessories our feelings and thoughts with dismissal or redirections. We typically wear our thoughts and feelings on our sleeve.

Embodiment of confidence therefore must begin with creating a portfolio of our competence. Spending time reflecting on our achievements, setting realistic daily goals, and providing sufficient recognition of our strengths. Being confident is not just anticipating praise or positive recognition for our ideas and feelings. But anticipating praise and criticism. Programming ourselves to process and not reject praise, and consider criticism without it entirely disintegrating our portfolios positives. Make an effort to write down 3 achievements you have reached on a daily basis. Review weekly and monthly achievements. At the end of the week pick something you are most proud of, do the same at the end of the month.

If you want to build authentic relationships you have to be consistently sincere, this includes your attitude towards yourself and your world view. You can express frustration, concern and negative emotions or thoughts. But do so clearly, avoid being cryptic or illusive. People smell it a mile off and no one likes playing chase with our emotions. Sick of someone’s attitude? Needing to vent? These types of conversation contrary to popular belief do not innately pollute relationships. Even discussion of perceived personal inadequacies or limiting beliefs won’t usually immediately push people away.

Learning to just say it, begins with having the confidence to say something, regardless of the anticipated response. Don’t throw a ball and expect someone to play fetch. For example:

“I have a lot on my plate at the moment, I haven’t been able to keep up with myself, I’m feeling like a mess, I need time to reset.”

Provides insight into your circumstances and state, is honest about how you feel, addresses a struggle. Obviously this is an example, and in real life we don’t talk like therapy coded AI robots, but you get the idea. Yet when we aren’t embodying confidence we often produce something more like this.

“I’m such a mess, I can’t handle my workload I’m behind again I need to get a grip”.

Statements like this role of the tongue when we are talking from a place of self doubt, dismissal and hatred. The generalisation of a particular state (being a mess) deciding that this reflects who we are to the core. As a pose to who we are in the specific current circumstances and context. Integration of negative self perception comes easily if we programme ourselves to be receptive. Our minds want to be correct, even if that’s in agreeing with our limiting beliefs, it still provides security and reassurance we are on the same page. “I can’t handle it” are you supposed to be able to handle everything all of the time? Or are your current circumstances valid in preventing you from thriving at the moment. Remember at no point during our lives, the high and the low is a screen shot of your state or behaviour a true reflection of who you are and what you are capable of. “I need to get a grip” literally what does that mean? Does it mean through self compassion manifested through physical movement to reduce cortisol. Does it mean by getting plenty of nutrition and antioxidants to combat free radicals and cortisol? Does it mean taking a step back from alcohol or social events that aren’t going to be nourishing? Or is it arrogance of your needs disguised as discipline and strength.

Your a mess, that’s okay, but obviously your current circumstances aren’t facilitating your recovery or even maintenance. Putting your foot on the accelerator in the same lane and gear with no fuel or engine oil is going to result in a car crash.

You have to take steps to be there for yourself, listen to yourself, respond with compassion and consideration. It’s much easier to give a speech to a crowd you don’t know than to one person you know and dislike. Your apart of that crowd, get to know yourself. Develop an understanding that regardless of how “well” you do this time, you’ll try again and integrate truly useful steps. Applying discipline can be hard but growth occurs as a result of taking the right step in the right direction at the right time. Not by pushing as hard as one part of you can ignoring the strain and damage it produces.

So conclusively, social proficiency is all about how we deliver our self, how we engage with others and our proficiency is determined by our confidence in our competence.

So what are you proud of?

Love,

Amy.